Smile and Be Happy

So the pessimist is back here with the heavy load of imperfection. One of the most formidable flaws I have is of being imperfect. So yes you can say nobody is perfect. We all have flaws, don't we? But we never advertise them. I for most part have always been open to seeing the good in people. This does not mean that their flaws escape my attention. Rather when it comes to giving priority, I always give more priority to their positives than the negatives. However my pessimism lies in the fact that I always give more value to my negative points than others. It does not matter whether the person in front of me is giving value to my negative points or not, for me my negativities matter more than of any other person. 

One of the reasons for this is the fact that I have always been told that I am not good enough. I have always been told to excel, to be like "the others". Which I never was. This has always led to an insecurity that my loved ones will leave me if I fail to live up to their expectations. As is evident, no relationship can strive on insecurity. Sooner or later I give up out of a vehement rejection of the rules imposed on me of having to live up to others' expectations. 

But at times I try to tear out of this vicious circle. At times I try to live up to life on my own terms. I try to optimistic, be happy. I try to be away from the self imposed dark clouds of pessimism, which envelop me in their warm embrace. I try to be "not negative". But sooner or later the ugly demons of indifference or rejection from people I like or love force me to abandon my hope and get withdrawn back into the recluse of the dark cave. Today is one such day. Hope is lost. The wings of Joy flutter weakly from the chains. My "Be Happy" Project is once down. Will it be down in the dumps? Time will tell.