Beauty or Brains?

I was happy. I was contented. I had just found out about one of my crushes on Facebook. I was ecstatic. I told about this to one of my guy friends. Now as the case generally is, guys do not prefer mushy stuff. So we got on to talking which actresses he liked and this came on to when suddenly I asked him whether or not he liked Kate Winslet. He said he didn't because her teeth were yellow and she was..."fat". I asked whether he didn't find the figure reason superficial. He said he didn't coz it was his choice. I told him tht was fine. But this was enough to spoil my mood. It wouldn't have mattered if it had been only his reason. But and I say BUT with capital letters, it matters because a guy I liked also preferred slim figures. As should be evident from the post that I am not slim. And I hate to change myself for others. This friend's testimony about preferring slim figures reminded me of the guy I liked and his preference of a slim figure even though he was overweight. How typically male! How superficial! I agree it is the personal choice of people regarding what they prefer but there is a nagging feeling when a person you like does not like you back, whether it be for figure, looks, or plain for personality. Since then, I have spent countless nights wondering how to be "slim", just so he would like me. And I hated myself for that. For forcing myself against my wishes. Day and Night I used to ask myself why I am not good enough for him. That guy friend's words reminded me of all this. Am I over the flame? No am not. And for future references we are going to call this guy I like, Angel. Coz that's what he is. I know I am not presenting him in a nice light but he is a great guy. And I used to call him my angel. Just when I was beginning to bask in the light of my identity, when I was beginning to love myself, I was reminded that I was not good enough for my angel. It would not be wrong to say that I am close to worshiping him. He's not perfect but he sure is perfect for me. He has faults but I was ready to overlook them. More about this guy in later posts. Right now, I am pissed about what my friend told me about figures. Why do guys have to be so superficial? Why can't they love like we do? One of the things about being a pessimist is that you look at your faults more than your assets. I have always been looking at my faults since childhood. Particularly because I was told that I had to be the best. And I never was the best. I have a constant feeling of not being the "in crowd", not being appreciated for who I am. Whereas, this was first only in case of studies, it has now translated into relationships as well. For some days I was happy, but I guess now I am going to sit in a corner and sulk. The pessimist is back again. My mood swings like the oscillation of a pendulum and I am not happy any more! Great.